U THINK

For all the crap I've had to deal with,just wanted to say thanks to those that dished it my way. If it wasn't for you,I wouldn't be the strong person I am today

VERY INTERESTING............

MY FATHER WAS ARRESTED IN 1976 TWO TIME AND ONCE 1990... THERE IS SOME ARRESTED IN THE 1950S AND HE GOT ELCETRIC SHOCK TREATMEANTS BECAUSE HE WAS GAY...I GOING TO GET COPIES OF THIS ARRESTS IN IL.........I WROTE A LETTER TO DR PHIL....ABOUT OUR DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY ...PAST PRESENT AND FUTURE..I WROTE A LETTER TO THE PASTOR IN MY MOTHERS TOWN IN MISSISSIPPI AND WROTE A LETTER TO HER NEIGHBOR NEXT DOOR...NOW I NEED TO FIND THAT MAID....THE STEPMOTHER...EMAIL MY BRO THUR CLASSMATES...LOL...HE DONT THINK I CAN FIND HIM..TOLD HIM IM COMING AFTER THE FAMILY....ITS A RECKENING...

LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW....

i could remember...my father coming home from somwhere...drunk and puking outside before coming in....when i was 8...i did believe in santa claus...but when santa and his sleigh didnt go across the moon...i said there is no such thing as santa...and then i caught them putting the gifts around the tree and such...man there was alot of presents under that tree...with the stepmother...what...was she buying us with affection for beating us thru the year...thats a thought to think about.... but i always looked out my window alot ..i had my own room....was that my escape for me....maybe...as i think about it now....maybe it was freedom...for me...now i dont look out my window...cuz i really dont give a fuck to look...or even answer my door....after 8pm...when i come home...i leave that behind...wow..............

TALKIN ABOUT BAD REPORT CARDS....

I REMEMVER..IN SOPHMORE YEAR....TEACHER CONFERENCE...FLUNKING GERMAN 2...(DAMN GERMAN IS HARD TO LEARN..LOL)THEY WENT AFTER THE TEACHERS...TO QUESTION WHY MY GRADES WERE BAD...AND THEY TOLD THEM I WAS DOING MY BEST...AND I STOP TAKING GERMAN...JUST A THOUGHT....IF THEY ONLY KNEW WHAT WENT AT HOME....WHEN THEY WORKED...AND SHE WORKED THE SWING SWIFT..LET THE HOUSE BE A MESS..SHE WOULD WAKE ALL OF US UP....AND I WAS THE BLUNT OF THE BEATINGS...CUZ THE HOUSE WASNT CLEAN....THIS WAS A COMMON THING...FOR 8/9 YEARS I WAS SUBJECTED TO THIS....I COULD REMEMBER IF ME AND MY SISTERS WERE FIGHTIN...I WAS THE ONE GETTING BEAT UP BY THEM...HITTIN ME...AND I NEVER TRYED TO SAVE MYSELF FROM THEM....NOW 2010....BRING IT..I WILL KISS ASS CUZ....IM NOT AFRAID.....

drunken idiot...........

to get to when he hit me last...a story before that....leslie my sister..next to me..this pride and joy and his golden daughter who did nothing wrong in his eyes....she had long blonde hair...she was on the dance team all four years of high school...he went to her performances...all the time...late but was there..he only showed up to one of mine things...powder football my jr year in school...and he showed up late and drunk to that....last yr of her dance he went to her dinner ceremony...drunk as hell....and she had to deal with him...when i think about it...lol.....anyways....she had to go to work one day... and he wasnt working at the time..and he was in bed...she knock on this door to take her to work...he said ask your sister...Me....well i said hell no...i had the day off...she went down starirs and boohoo cryed to him...he came up out of the room...butt ass naked...(ewwwwwwwwww) and took my brothers plastic yellow baseball bat and threw it and hit my face.....cuz i was suppose to take his daughter to work....i keep thinking til this day i should of took the car and run.....but i didnt....

more to the story...........

we use to get beat for a bad report cards....she hitting us all the time...here something....a tid bit.....(all 5 of us girls....4 of them not me...hit the stepmother when they were 18ish...all 4 of them hit the bitch...not me....lol....cuz if i go to hell and i will go to hell...when that bitch dies i will make a point of it to be at that wake...busting out who she was and is and get all ghetto about it....i swear to god i will do this....cuz im NOT AFRAID........i will take video of it...lol.......)she use to crammed the bar of soap in our mouths if we talked back to her..now about our father....thru all this he as a stinking drunk...im talking drunk...everyday...and drove....never got a dui...weird....he had a business handed to him by his father...and he fuck it all up...i remember working at that paint store...while he was downstairs....in the bathroom...(i will tell you what i think about that later in my story...)...my father yelled alot..and hit us..when she said...do you know that when we had holidays dinners...and they sat at the dining room table...and he got real butter on his potatoes..we got margarine...wth...with that...omg...we use to stand in line at that dining room table when we were bad....as she told him what the hell we did....alot of slamming that fist on the table...remembering when we went to family functions her sisters...and my dad drinking and going out with uncle john...(i can guess one thing later in my story....).....but the best secert is this... my father when he was drunk...beat the shit out of the stepmother...for years...and we all saw this...ususally was happening in the washer and dryer room....beatin her ass.....(note) wow........by the time i was 18 i knew in life...a man would never lay his hands on me....and im almost 51 not ever has a man beat me....and if i happen i would kill the fucker....i can remember the last time my father hit me..i was 18...cont..........

reflection.....on moms..

i was raised with values...even thou our house was very dysfunctional...and i honor my moms and father like the good book says...dont get me wrong here that im dissing the moms here.....but i writing this for others to see what i went thru as a child...and i will not sit back any longer..my mothers and father and his parents and my brothers and 3 sisters are in a box...that box represents of them not hurting me anymore...and i dont let them out..and my daughter is recently in the box....talking about not honoring her mom...(me) and i gave and raised her with values...i will show you the difference as i blogged her and my mothers....

my mother...

on and off i have memories...i remember her having chrissy....and great grandma took care of us...and her having a ovary out...and the pain she was in..so she went to the hospital...i remember her friend denise carlson...her buddy she went out...i dont remember if she hit us....maybe regualar spankings...but i dont remember abuse from her....the day she left...her aunt took care of us for awhile til the grandparents (my fathers parents) found the maid....when this all comes about as im bloggin this...it all comes to play...this family was so fuckin dysfuctional.....but it was the maid that started all this...........more ..in a minute

the stepmother....

the father and the maid got married 10/3/1970 and had two sons in the next two years... willie and ej...we were happy we had brothers finally...about things started to change...one the maid/stepmother was a girl scout leader..ugh....she treated the girls in the group...and ignoring and embarass us her damn step children....i remember going to church...that bitch sat up in the front pews..and we sat in the back of the church...and she was a sunday school teacher... who the fuck was she trying to empress....the times when we didnt do what she asked ..this is where the abuse sets in....we would get hit...stand in the corner for 8 hrs til our father came home...i can remember....when we did something wrong....and our father sitting in the dining room table and she sitting there telling on us...and he would slam with his fist on that table...she order him to give us a beating....we ...us kids...would wear the pj and long underwear and the robe..so it wouldnt hurt so bad....when we talked back to the bitch...she put a dog pacifer in our mouths all day....we use to get hit with the wooden spoon on the back of our legs or the spatula...hit on the back..stand in the corner with our arms up...and everytime that bitch went downstairs...we use to shake our arms..cuz they were so heavy....early times...when she was there...cooking..one time i complained about the milk...it was powdered milk....and she didnt make it right i mean come on...lumpy milk and i said something about it ..she threw the milk at me at my face at the dinner table..i got up and went to my room....god i hated her...still do.....

a thought...

god i remember the thanksgiving...the were at the fathers parents house....the only time they used the dining room..was for that dinner...thinking about they left for fla after that dinner...i could always remember that damn stuffing...eww..........rasins and apple...tasted like crap....just a thought...mainly because i remember having these dinners when the maid was in the picture slash wife#2.........ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

seven kids....

there are seven kids...i know we were happy for a minute..because we finally got some brothers...i can remember the visits with our natural mother....we would go to grandma house...(her mother) to see her....i even recalled she cryed one time...for what i wouldnt have a clue at that age...when i think about it today...she lost all of us...she was control by my fathers parents...(this comes in play thru my story)....i remember when we went to grandma house to see our mother..grandma made thes tea cookies with the cookie press and made the green xmas trees and the pink crosses..i loved those cookies...and i would die for those right now..and i have tryed to make them in life...funny how u remember the little things....i dont know how many time we saw our mother...i could guess few and far between...but we always went to grandma house...(that was our safe place) as i figure that out as an adult...later in life...

this and that...

i could remember that we were in a car accident...i remember a blue room....i can remember...my mother carol...hitting leslie with a patten leather orange shoe at her head....and greatgrandma taking care of us when christina was born....but two years later..i remember everything.....dec.24th 1969....my mother left us..all five of us with our father...just up and lefted....i remember getting a doll named swingy...she danced in place...and i got a pj barbie doll...and my father crying to us...that she lefted...as months went by...one day..the house was really clean...the table set in the kitchen...and this woman..named mary...was the maid.....little did i know...i remember...my dad kissing her in the hallway as she went on a date..with some smuck....and a wedding on oct3/1970 at our church...my father and the maid....we were all in the wedding...white dresses with daisy...and then a yr later a brother...and the year after that another brother....

mothers....this is what i had.....

it all started...51 years ago....my parents were screwing in the back seat of a car..on a winter night march of 59...and my fathers father caught them...wow...nine months later and i was born...12/19/1959.....they got married in summer time...of 59....the things i have to tell you....sit back and read my story.....